The Matt Porath Cherry-Pickin, Goal-Hangin Layup

Alright so if indeed Jack Nolan is the mastermind behind the full-court press, and if I am the brainchild behind the half-court trap (which I dispute) then one has to wonder...How exactly would you describe the recently successfull, if suprising, offense of Matthew M. Porath? The answer is, without a doubt, that Po Po is the king of goal hanging, a cherry picker, the master of the easy layup. You have all seen it night after night. Porath starts sluggin beers, probably lying about how many he has finished, but nevertheless creeps ever more slowly into the glassy-eyed position against a wall somewhere that he inevitably ends up in. What happens next? Some blackout chick turns the ball over so badly and so blatantly that it amounts to a cross court lob pass right into the arms of a lazy Porath, waiting under the basket. Porath does not full court press. He does not trap at half. In fact, he won't even get back on D. Like a washed up Al Skinner trying to hang at a pickup game at the plex, drunk Po Po just waits under his own basket, hoping that with no effort whatsoever something will fall into his arms and he will score. How miniscule is the effort that Matt shows on the court? Usually amounts to a 'hey...how are ya...' ...'I'm good...' 'cool....' The poor girl has to turn the ball over so blatantly that it sails right over half court and into his arms. You may think its impossible. You may say that a goal hanger like Matt will never get the ball. Just look at his stats though, they tell the story. Its true. Some girls have gotten so drunk that they manage to give this cherry picker a layup. And he won't even hustle back on D.